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An open letter to Santa
11/24/2014 4:11:02 PM

By Chad Kimberley
Splash Column

Dear Santa or St. Nicholas or Kris Kringle (or any other name you would prefer), 

I am writing to you because I am desperate. I have been a sports fan since early in life when you gave me the starting lineup figures of Ryne Sandberg and Andre Dawson, my first complete set of Topps football cards, and the Louisville Slugger with my own name engraved into the barrel. I also greatly appreciated the William Perry football jersey even though I would have had to spend about five straight months in my refrigerator to ever fit into the jersey.  

Most years I was never disappointed. And then I got a bit older and like every cheesy made-for-television or straight-to-DVD movie that will be coming out over the next few weeks, I stopped believing in the whole Santa wants to give me gifts because I made it onto the nice list. 

But now, as I mentioned in my opening remarks to you, I am desperate. I have become a long suffering sports fan. My teams just can't seem to get over the hump and compete consistently for titles and championships. Seriously, I would be okay with just getting to the playoffs for a few years running. No, actually I want the championship. 

So I am going to suspend my reality for a few moments as I craft this letter and lay out my personal sporting requests for this upcoming Christmas season. And before I continue, I do want you to know I have cleaned out my chimney, and this year, I will not eat the cookies my kids lay out on the kitchen table for you - I will actually leave them for you. 

Here we go. 

I would like to have two Chicago Cubs World Series tickets placed lovingly in my stocking this year. Yes, this of course presumes that you have power over the Billy Goat, Black Cat, and Steve Bartman curses. I would prefer front row bleacher tickets but would also accept directly behind the home dugout seats. If it would not be too much to ask, I would also like these to be Game 4 of a presumed four-game sweep (I don't think I could handle the stress of a seven-game series). 

Can I please have an Iowa Hawkeyes Final Four sweatshirt? I love March Madness, as you know, and I am sick and tired of never seeing my Hawkeyes make the dance, or when they do, they seldom get beyond the first or second round. But I don't want to be selfish this year, so I will gladly welcome Gonzaga and Washington State to join us at the Final Four. Now I am fully aware that my Hawkeyes have won 23 NCAA titles in wrestling but c'mon, it is wrestling. I need some basketball love.

I want a Chicago Bears retro Mike Singletary jersey. I would also like to have Mike Singletary and the rest of the Super Bowl Shuffling Bears back up nearly 30 years of life so that my team can actually have a defense once again. As I write this letter, my Bears have given up back-to-back games of over 50 points. They even gave up a franchise-record 42 points in the first half of their most recent loss. I am not even going to ask for a Super Bowl win as many of my Seahawk-loving neighbors must have asked for last Christmas season. I just want a defense.

Being how this is the Christmas season, I want to make sure I am spreading goodwill (and also modeling enough selflessness so you will be more willing to fulfill my above Christmas wishes), so I won't ask for the Iowa Hawkeyes NCAA football championship helmet that can be placed in my office, the multiple knee, ankle, hamstring, and foot braces that I can loan out to the perpetually injured Derrick Rose of the Chicago Bulls, or the blue and white scissors I would like to have to cut down the nets at the end of the high school season for my Freeman Scottie girls basketball team. 

Instead, I would like to request a few gifts for my friends and neighbors in Liberty Lake. How about a large dump truck full of sand that can be deposited near the new Town Square for the future sand volleyball courts that would make a great addition to town. Normally, I do not ask for straight cash, but it would be great if you could send some donation dollars to the Fallen Heroes Circuit Course as they continue to honor veterans and create exercise stations throughout Liberty Lake. Finally, I would request 120 yards of field turf to be placed out at Rocky Hill Park that can be used for the many soccer and football teams that try to practice on every square inch of grass that is available on a given day.

I appreciate your consideration of all these requests and if your reindeer are not able to handle the many presents (as I would imagine the sand and field turf could be a tad heavy), I would encourage you to keep it simple and mail me the World Series tickets and the donation to the Fallen Heroes. 

Hoping to believe again, 

Chad 

Chad Kimberley is a local teacher and coach. He lives with his family in Liberty Lake. 

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